Brandon's Story - The Emotional Struggle
My name is Brandon Ryan. I am twenty-three years old. I was born with a condition called Cerebral Palsy, which from the very start has made my life a tremendous battle with agony and despair. Doctors told my parents that I wouldn't be able to do everyday things like dress and feed myself. My parents fought every day to get me dressed in the morning for school. My inward war with myself started at a very young age, in elementary school during recess, I'd be forced to watch the kids run out into the playground and jump on the slides and monkey bars, while I sat in my wheel chair and had to watch.
You can almost sense the tension building in my heart. As I grew up I began to start questioning my life and why I was even alive. I've been through so much pain already, due to the major operations that have been preformed on my body. I've had both my hips medically broken and cut in half to be placed in both feet for arch support. The tendons in my legs have be lengthened and did I mention that I even had metal plates in my hips and my spine operated on?
There would be days where I simply wanted to die. I couldn't stand the scars on my body. They were ugly to me. And the ache on the inside grew deeper and deeper everyday. I grew cold... My high school years was when things got even worse. I wanted the pain to stop and would do anything to numb and suppress the pain. That included lying to fit in with my peers.
During the winter was when my body would feel so horrible. My back and neck would hurt so bad. I'd be so drained and wanted to do nothing but be on my own, sleep and withdraw. This went on until Christmas of 07 when I was diagnosed with Seasonal Affective Disorder. I knew now what was killing me. Even though I am being treated for it, its not easy. If it wasn't for the love and hope that I have found in Jesus I wouldn't even know where I would be right now.
Thank you for listening. If you like what you read, please check out my book: The Emotional Struggle, which tells a even further in depth story about my life and discovery of grace.